Why the Name "After All"

I think that many of us go through periods of time that are rough, or disappointing, where it seems like something has been lost or a dream we've had hasn't come true. I had been through such a time two years ago when in the spring of 2006 I suddenly found myself moving to a new home in the country and setting up household with a man I'd first met and fallen in love with in 1969, when I was a freshman in college and he was a high school junior with braces on his teeth.

I had never actually thought of living in the country...I thought I was an urban/suburban "girl" at heart, who liked the convenience of running out to buy a quart of milk any time at all, who didn't take too well to country roads or how dark it was when the sun went down. Nor had I given any thought a life with Peter in many, many years...we had married and divorced other people, gone in different ways, though somehow our hearts and heads had remained unmistakably linked through the years. We had gotten back in touch the spring before, and it was as if the years of separation hadn't happened in many ways, except to give us much to talk about. And we found we both needed new places to live at the same time...

It was Peter's idea we find a place in the country. I was agreeable, though I said I'd prefer a place that had neighbors around, as I knew he'd be traveling frequently and I still found the idea of darkness and isolation in the country disquieting. We saw an ad and that afternoon called on it, and ended up driving out and meeting Dave and Jane Garbose and the carriage house apartment they had for rent in an old inn in Charlotte, adjacent Mount Philo and in a beautiful setting overlooking Lake Champlain and the Adirondacks. I'm not sure which we fell in love with first - Dave and Jane or the apartment. But when we left it didn't take us more than a hundred yards of discussion in the car before we knew that was the place for us.

So we came to set up our country household, bringing together our total of four black cats, a black dog, and a dog of a different color. (One black cat had a marvelous summer as a country kitty, only to grow too familiar with the main road and be killed by a car in late summer. The black dog, a cocker spaniel, lived another year to the age of fourteen, and on the first day of autumn passed away in our arms. They are both buried here in this glorious setting, and a new black kitten joined our household last year.) When the morning light came over the mountain that spring I'd take my coffee outside and watch the birds and think about the nature of nature, the nature of relationships, the nature of life.

How is it I came to live in the country after all I've said to the contrary, I thought. How is it that after all these years I came to live with Peter? The year before health issues had caused me to leave a career and a company that I loved, working as a real estate agent. These morning musings reminded me that time after time during those years people had said "Susan, you really should be doing something more creative." I began to realize that this was the time to experiment, to nourish my creative side, and slowly I began to conceptualize a handcraft business sewing with fabrics I loved to find and collect.

So, in these quiet mornings where I watched the birds, greeted an occasional neighbor on the little lane we face, and saw spring become early summer the phrase that kept going through my head was "after all". I believe that no matter what twists and turns, bumps and bruises, and surprises life delivers, eventually we come to that place we were supposed to be, though perhaps didn't know it, after all.